Dear 25 Year Old Me,
I have a few things that I need to tell you, in the hopes that you will heed my instructions and not make the same mistakes I did. Up until this point in your life you haven’t had much experience in the “love department”, but I want you to know it gets better.
Don’t let your previous romantic endeavors affect the way you look at yourself and the way you want others to see you. Be true to who you are and don’t give into the tempations that may come at you just because you are trying to prove something or make up for lost time. I promise it will be worth the wait.
When you meet a younger man at the age of 26, take him seriously, but take it slowly. Your heart and soul will be hurting from past indescretions and you will be trying to cling to the first “real thing” that comes along. He’s a great guy, but handle him with care. As you come into the relationship with some heavy baggage, he’s carrying his own set of Samsonite. (The airlines charge a crazy fee to check your bags, so it’s likely that you will have more in your carry-on than you are used to) Believe in him and let him know what you see, that others have looked past.
You will battle depression in several stages in your life, but please don’t let that keep you from living the life you deserve with the man who was sent to take care of you. Don’t make him pay for what others did or said, because he has accepted you for who you are, baggage and all. He is genuine in his love for you, but he won’t want to struggle with you as you are struggling with yourself.
I won’t tell you when, but you will lose your father. He will leave a huge hole in your heart, but he approves of the man who will take his role in your life and knows that you will be well taken care of. This man will also give you the gift of a beautiful son, the culmination and symbolism of your love for one another. He will want to raise him one way, you another, but work together so you present a united front instead of falling victim to a game of “Whose way is better.”
When this man tells you that he feels a certain way about your relationship, you should listen. He’s not much of a talker, but when he does talk, it’s because he has something that he needs to say. As much as you don’t agree, listen to him. There will be hard times, but they will be far outweighed by the good times. But, you have to talk to him, too. The times when you are frustrated because you don’t think he appreciates you, talk to him. When he tells you he’s frustrated, talk to him. I won’t say it will be all unicorns and rainbows, but conflict will make you stronger. The healthy arguments will be better for your marriage than the silent suffering that you both endure because you are afraid to stir up trouble. Silence is more detrimental than a few heated conversations, so promise me that you will talk it out before it’s too late.
On the days when you are fed up and you want to walk away, don’t do it. Talk about what is driving you crazy, but don’t let it make you crazy, because he will just think you are crazy! And, when he asks for a hug, hug him. I mean REALLY hug him. Put your arms around him, and don’t let go until he lets you go. Trust me, you don’t want to go through letting go in another way if you don’t listen to what I say. He is a hugger, you are not, but suck it up and become a hugger. You HAVE to give to get, it’s not the other way around.
If there was a time machine to come back and hold your hand for the next 15 years of your life, I would do it in a heartbeat. But no one has figured out how to make “Back to the Future” a real thing, so I just have to hope that this makes it back to you before you meet this wonderful, soul mate (yes, he is your soul mate, just accept it) so you start with some insider information so you don’t screw it up.
Good luck and live your life out loud, literally.
41-Year Old Divorced You